he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your penis caused this!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
