Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize