We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
