my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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