i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
