Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
