plz talk dirty to me
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
