I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
