New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
