I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My cat gives me a boner
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
