Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
