I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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