the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
