Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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