my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
