those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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