I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize