you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
