I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
