the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
