absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
