So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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