they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
