hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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