hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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