one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
