im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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