You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
