I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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