someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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