I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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