The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
tell me about the fingering
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
