dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
