if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
