New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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