my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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