sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
