meet me or not, i'm out of control
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The power of my boobs compel you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
