I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
