No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
