I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
