Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
