Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
