Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
