I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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