My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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