you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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