I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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