It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize