Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
