I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
