the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
