Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize