I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
