Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
