yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
