This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
