You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
