I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize