Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
