If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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