I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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