my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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