New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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