i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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