The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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