He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize