I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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